I came back from town to find foam from a pillow in pieces all over our great room floor. The pooch patrol were all seated in different chairs looking ignorant of what had transpired. Ozzy had a piece of foam hanging from the left side of his mouth, and I began fusssing at him.
Immediately Ozzy pleaded his innocence, so I asked if there were any eyewitnesses willing to testify. His canine pals gave me explainations as to why they could be of no assistance. "I didn't see a thing", "I was in another room", and "I'm not talking" left me with no choice but to utilize the evidence to get a conviction. Ozzy explained the foam in his mouth was purely circumstancial, and was not enough to charge him. I felt I had a case, but he countered with a claim to right of council. He also said I failed to read him his "Veranda Rights" ("Matlock meets "Gone With the Wind").
I realized Ozzy was slicker than greased asphalt, and proving he was the perp would be an immpossible task. If this crimewave continues, with no one willing to testify, I may have to resort to video surveillance. What has this world come to?
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