Sunday, December 25, 2011

Ozzy's Countdown: 366 Days Until Christmas 2012!

Ozzy's Christmas 2012 countdown includes the extra day of leap year, thus the number on the post's title. He had such a blast today he cannot wait until Santa's next visit to our home. The trail cameras he set up in the living room caught glimpses of a red fur coat, but the "real" evidence is the stash of doggie toys he discovered under the tree. Ozzy and his canine cohorts played all day with few breaks. I never thought I'd hear the end to all the sqeaks due to a constant assault on the chewy critters.

All four Min-Pins are resting in the recliner this evening. Ozzy is already thinking of items to place on next year's Christmas list. I told him no matter what he wanted, delivery would depend on whether he is naughty or nice. This prompted Ozzy to clean up the toys that earlier were scattered all over the room. It is a step in the right direction, but I am betting it won't last long. Ozzy likes playing too much, thus being good will get old fast.

As Ozzy lies sleeping in my lap, his jerking motion indicates he is dreaming, and from the words he is mumbling it is certian the subject is Santa Claus, or at least I think so. The words "eight" and "deer" have been repeated several times, which lead me to believe he is thinking of eight tiny reindeer... or one eight-point deer.

Is it possible?... Nah! He couldn't be thinking of deer hunting... could he?

Thursday, December 22, 2011

"Daddy Got Game"!

Two days before Christmas eve finds Ozzy and I watching the MAACO Bowl Las Vegas. It features a contest between Boise State and Arizona State. College football at it's finest. Just as we got settled in to our recliner, Boise State took the opening kick-off for a touchdown. Ozzy went ballistic, and his fever pitch excitement has not diminished at all.

About the time I think there is nothing to prevent me from enjoying a peaceful evening watching football with my canine pal, the wife enters the picture and sends me out to the car to grab a couple of bags for her. After filling my arms I returned to the front door and started up the stairs and into the house. Unfortunately I caught my foot on the second step. Momentum took over from there, and I fell face first into the doorway with my bag-filled arms crossing the threshold. I landed with a violent thud, unaware that Ozzy was watching. I looked up from the floor just in time to see him raise his front paws into the air and scream "Touchdown"!

Yeah, he's still excited.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Making Preparations for Santa Claus!

Ozzy's first Christmas with us is turning out to be quite an affair. Everything he has experienced from watching Christmas movies to mailing his list to Santa continues to build his expectations for December 25th. It is fun watching him count the days until Santa drops down the chimney, and he is determined to obtain footage of this rarely seen event.

As much as I have tried to convince Ozzy that if he is awake and watching Santa will not show up, he has devised a plan to get Jolly Old Saint Nick on video. Showing him pictures of Santa has failed to deter Ozzy from his idea of rigging our living room with a trail camera. The viewfinder will be aimed toward the side of the room where our tree and woodstove sit. Ozzy is particularly interested in seeing the Big Guy squeeze through an eight inch chimney pipe.

Since he is determined to proceed with his plan, I am seriously considering offering Ozzy glimpses of red and white fur so his little imagination might wreak havoc on him. It would be similar to the partial photos of "Bigfoot" seen on documentary channels. The only problem may be that Ozzy's obsession would graduate from mere footage to actually setting a trap to catch Santa Claus!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Ozzy's Christmas List!

I recall searching frantically through the JC Penny and Sears catalogs for items to place on my list to Santa Claus. I figured since it didn't cost me anything I could load St. Nick down with a sleigh full of loot. One year I had over thirty toys, and very few were cheap. It became necessary for my parents to intervene and force me to minimize my list so other kids could receive something for Christmas. As it turns out, like father, like dog.

Ozzy submitted his list this morning, and it is so elaborate one would think we had climbed the corporate Christmas ladder. It contains some sensible items, but most are absolutely ridiculous. Ozzy can't shoot a basketball, so that's out. There's also no need for Santa to bring him a chainsaw, and until this morning I was unaware Ozzy could drive an Audi R8.

At this moment we are going through his list and repeating what I went through with my parents. I can't begin to describe Ozzy's expression, but he's got his arms folded and his lips poked out in a disgruntled posture. He'll get over this, but a few chew toys and squeaky critters is all he needs. This will teach Ozzy not to be so greedy, and it will make room in the sleigh for the individual who is actually going to receive the sportscar.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

"Identity Crisis"!

I loved serving in the Army, and the permanent damage to some of the discs in my back are a daily reminder of my time in service. I do not regret it for one minute, but I experience some degree of discomfort every day. Although it is important to maintain a positive attitude, some days are more difficult than others. With the addition of a headcold the last few days have been less than jovial.

Ozzy noticed this change, and he doesn't understand what has happened. He has made attempts to cheer me up. He has tried jokes, dancing, singing, and even suggested another motorcycle ride (we all know how the last one turned out for him). Finally Ozzy thought of the one sure thing to get me in a better mood... "The Polar Express"!

Of all the movies in my collection, the "Polar Express" is one of my favorites. It doesn't even have to be Christmas to watch this flick. It is great any time of the year. Ozzy suggested we watch it on the plasma screen. Normally this is all it would take, but my response was less than enthusiastic. Shocked, Ozzy jumped into my chair and stared up at me for several minutes before he finally asked "WHO ARE YOU?"

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

"Mountain Dew Snowman"!

Call me a Christmas fanatic, but I get it honestly. My parents taught us to enjoy special holidays with family and friends, and to go all-out when celebrating this festive time of year. It takes some time do accomplish, but placing lights and decorations inside and out is a real pleasure, especially after the work is done.

One of my yard decorations is a self-inflating pair of snowmen on either side of a Christmas tree. Two days ago I noticed one of the snowmen looked as though someone shook a can of Mountain Dew and opened it next to him, thus spraying him good. Small yellow droplets were all over the poor thing. I cleaned it off, only to have them reappear the next day. I soon discovered why. Apparently my dog Ozzy has decided to make this snowman the southwest boundary of his territory.

It ain't like we don't have any trees in the yard, you goofy dog!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Riding the Clothes Dryer.

If you follow this blog you know I am the one that washes clothes in our house. I would allow someone else to take care of this chore, but I am particular about the way clothes are folded. I have military life to thank for this.

This morning I was busy removing a load of clothes from the washing machine, and as I placed them into the dryer I noticed Ozzy's intense curiosity sbout the big square appliance. He asked me how it worked, so I told him about the circular motion the machine utilizes to allow warm air to dry the items placed inside. He thought it was really cool, and while I wasn't looking his inquisitive mind put his little body into action. Momentarily distracted by putting a load of dirty clothes into the washing machine, Ozzy crawled into the dryer.

When my task was done I turned on the washing machine, and then I closed the dryer door, set the timer, pressed the "start" button and headed toward the living room. Within a few steps the dryer sounded like it was coming apart, and I heard a loud yell coming from inside. I rushed back and quickly pulled open the door. Ozzy tumbled out of the dryer on a pile of clothes and landed with a thud on the floor. He gathered himself, looked up at me and said "Let's do THAT again"!

I guess the washing machine's spin cycle is next!

Friday, December 9, 2011

"The Russians Ain't Coming... They Are Here"!

Occasionally I share Ozzy's blog stats with him. He loves hearing that people all over the world enjoy his silly behaviour, and hopes everyone has a good laugh. Bringing a smile to our readers is what we do, whether at home or in other countries. As I was going over the various places from which people have read his blog, he perked up when I told him he received hits from Russia.

We watched a series called "Wild Russia" on one of the documentary channels. Ozzy asked me if I had ever been there. I have not visited Russia, but I did tell him what I knew. I told him it is the largest country on earth, a vast place with diverse climates. The Russians are a great and noble people with an incredible history much older than that of the U.S. They always send superior athletes to the Olympics. Oh, and the Russian Boar is one of the most aggressive animals on the planet(since I am a hunter I had to fit that in). When I think of Russia,the word "strong" is the most prominent term I could think of.

I told Ozzy as much as his mind could process, and he sat quietly for a moment, contemplating all the information I had shared with him. The silence was broken when Ozzy asked me if we could visit Russia someday. Without missing a beat I told him the Russian people have gone through alot throughout history. They have survived invasions, revolutions, and World War II. I just don't think they could survive Ozzy!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Ozzy's First (and Last) Motorcycle Ride!

I had to go to town, my truck tire was flat and the air pump didn't work. I pulled the cover of the ZX-14 and gathered my riding gear. Ozzy saw me preparing to go for a motorcycle ride, and pleaded with me to take him for a spin. I had a few minutes to spare, so I cranked up the bike, threw on my coat and helmet, snatched up Ozzy and we took off.

I got a few miles up the road and I could hear Ozzy screaming "Faster! Faster!" I turned off the main highway onto a side road, and brought the big Rice Rocket to a halt. I asked Ozzy if he was certain he wanted more speed. He said he wanted to see what this bad boy could do. That's all he had to say.

I buttoned up, leaned over, grabbed the trottle and with a violent twist we were off. The front tire came off the pavement as the rear increased our velocity. Houses were going by like fence posts. I heard Ozzy screaming again, and I thought he was having the time of his life... I was wrong. When we arrived at our home I pulled into the driveway and stopped the bike at the front door. Ozzy's front paws were dug into my jacket so deep I had to pull it off with him still attached. His eyes were blown so wide open he couldn't close them, and his tongue was wrapped around the back of his head. He attempted to speak and I barely understood his words, but I could tell he wasn't happy. I playfully asked him if he wanted to go the the doctor's office with me. I can't repeat his response on this blog. I think it was the final ride of the Ozzy Gang!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Emergency Surgery on Santa Claus!

Each year the Christmas decorations go into storage. This past year the mice found them and began an assault on the wires and knocked out Santa's lights. Most folks would replace their decorations with new ones, but I decided to perform surgery on our Santa go get him up and running. Good news to those who may be concerned, Santa came through his surgery and is back at work on our front lawn.

My dog Ozzy is still irritated at the mice and what they did to our electronic Santa Claus. I have assured him that rat and mice bait will be utilized in the building from now on. Ozzy says that isn't good enough, and he is planning something BIG for the mice. I discovered one of his "ideas" would take out a city block. If I do not keep an eye on Ozzy's project, World War III just might start in McDuffie County, Georgia.

Someday soon if you are watching the news and you hear of a storage building blown sky high, don't blame terrorists. Ozzy is determined to rid our area of mice permanently.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

"It Came From the Kitchen"!

During the fall Georgia, USA is known for mild days and cold nights. On those days the weather turns warmer than usual, the insect population will come out to play. During many of my hunting trips I have headed to the woods on a cold morning only to sweat on the walk out. This ebb and flow affects home life as well.

A couple of weeks ago we experienced another mercury rising, and the temperatures reached a balmy 76 degrees. Ozzy and I were taking a break from cutting firewood in anticipation of the next cold front. Apparently our resident pest population took the oportunity to enjoy the warmth, and as we sat on my recliner, a scorpion crawled from the kitchen to the living room threshold. Ozzy watched as the small critter sat motionless as if trying to decide whether or not to proceed in the same direction or turn back.

After a few minutes Ozzy lost patience, and being the inquisitive canine he is, decided to study this strange looking bug up close and personal. As he moved closer, Ozzy noticed the creature's tail curled up and pointed at him. Moments later my dog was nose-to-nose with the scorpion, and actually thought the whole showdown was somewhat humorous... that is, until he got popped on the nose. Ozzy yelped, grabbed the end of his snout, and retreated to the safety of the recliner.

I have never seen a cross-eyed dog, but Ozzy's attempts to stare at his new wound were funny, though he didn't think so. He spent several minutes rubbing his nose, and with a somewhat suprised expression asked "What did I do"?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Bourne Ozzy!

After an evening of the "Bourne Trilogy" Ozzy is pulling his usual behaviour. He thinks he's Jason Bourne. It sure is interesting to watch him repeat lines and put himself in the same situations as our movie hero. That my dog is a nut is an understatement.

Shortly after the first blu-ray ran its course on the plasma screen, Ozzy screamed "I don't know who I am" (I could have told him that)! Just as we started the second movie my wife came from the kitchen with coffee for my son and I. Ozzy took the opportunity to spin a few more lines from a diner scene. "I can tell you the makes of both ATVs in the yard... I can tell you our waitress needs to bring ME a cup of coffee... I know that YOU can't handle yourself, and at this altitude I can eat two donuts before I have to come up for air. How can I know that, and not know who I am"?

This has gone on for two days now. Ozzy could probably write his own screenplay for a Bourne film. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't decide to blow something up. I really can't say much, though. It reminds me of my antics after exiting a theater following a Bruce Lee double feature.