The Brawl That Got Ugly!

It seemed simple enough, or at least that's what the infomercial claimed. The canine fresh breath product "Plaque Attack" appealed to me, especially as it pertained to my dog Ozzy. To be so small, Ozzy packs a powerful punch when it comes to dog breath. He is capable of causing traffic to back up for miles on the highway in front of our house.

The add said to point and spray, so I ordered a pump-action bottle to try out on Ozzy. The testimonials called it a miracle. It took two weeks, but when the package arrived I was disappointed to find I had received the Plaque Attack gel. It requires a more involved application. Since Ozzy only weighs 15 pounds, I placed him in my lap, squeezed a dab on my finger, and held his tiny head still while I attempted to wipe a little gel on his teeth. I did not realize I would be in for the fight of my life.

Ozzy's first reaction was a head jerk, which freed him from my hand. I tried again, and things got animated in a hurry. What appeared to be a simple task turned into a full-blown wrestling match. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hold the little rascal still. I got gel all over my shirt, and couldn't hang onto the bottle either. Add to this Ozzy's new-found WWE wrestling moves, I became engaged in a battle that included techniques used by Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Undertaker. At one point Ozzy got loose, climbed up on the edge of the couch, and pounced on me while screaming "Stinger Splash".

Within a few minutes I found myself the victim of an arm-bar take-down, the left side of my face on the floor with the right side facing up, and a botttle of Plaque Attack gel stuck in my mouth. With a John Senna scream and a squeeze of the bottle, I was not only twisted like a New York pretzel, but I had the freshest breath in McDuffie County. A three-count later the match was over, with me on the losing end. The spray bottle would have worked better.

Wounded pride aside, I have to think positive... at least my wife won't mind a welcome home kiss this afternoon.