The commercial for the personal "sonic" hearing enhancement device was tempting. Years of military Bradley Fighting Vehicle and M-1 Abrams Tank ranges had taken their toll. Subtle hearing loss coupled with a nagging ring in my ears... this thing might help. I mean, who wouldn't want to improve thier hearing?
My dog Ozzy was chilled on the couch, and could tell I was considering picking up the phone to make a purchase. His questionalbe expression said it all. "Hey, I know you're thinking this is a dumb idea. Hearing enhancement would prevent me from saying 'Huh?' all the time". Besides, I liked the idea that I might hear what folks are saying when I walk past them (compliments like handsome, intelligent, smooth, graceful, etc.).
Ozzy looked at me and shook his head. "You may not be able to listen to people's comments from a distance, but you forget I'm a dog! I KNOW what they are saying about you...I hear everything". When I asked him what he heard, his reply was "You don't want to know". After several attempts I finally slipped him a dollar bill as a bribe (after all, he's a dog; he doesn't know the difference). The pay-off worked... he relented.
"Okay, just don't shoot the messenger", he said. "Do you remember the walks we took in the park last summer? I could hear folks say things such as "That guy looks like an idiot... he probably thinks he's cool... uncoordinated oaf, big goofy ears, old man, and bald-headed geek".
I was stunned. I asked Ozzy if he was certain that's what he heard. "Hey, you get what you pay for", he said.
Perhaps I don't need those hearing aids after all.
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